The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
