No awkward lesbian experiences without me
love makes seman taste better
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am one with the molecules
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
