I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
