this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
