Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
