EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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