I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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