well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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