oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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