....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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