3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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