Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
