I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
