could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
