wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude i'm inner monologue high
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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