her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
