I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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