let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
