i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
