My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
