Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
