My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Randomize
