You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
