she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
