moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
