I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
