im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
