if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
