I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
