Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
