I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
