And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
