the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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