he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
