Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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