I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
