I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
