how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
