and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think people are normalizing furries
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
