dude i'm inner monologue high
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
