he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
