I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We got so high we made milksteak
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
