I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
worst night to have a conscience
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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