Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
