if you like me you must not know who I am
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
