get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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