I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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