Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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