Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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