im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dear god my vagina.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
