3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I want is dick and wine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
