I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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