Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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