Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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