White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
