Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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