you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
