I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need a beard to bite.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
