New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
