yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
