We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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