u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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