Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
