You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
