You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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