I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
third nipple confirmed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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